Dream Job and Upcoming Life Changes (final part!)

When I meet new people and they find out I’m living in Guatemala, or I reconnect with old friends who know that I’m there, they always, always ask something along the lines of “so…what are you doing there?” In the last few weeks, I’ve been asked this question probably more than 100 times. Usually, when one is asked such a question, over and over again, the answer gradually becomes less enthusiastic, more rehearsed, condensed, routine, perhaps with a twinge of boredom or even annoyance in the tone of the response. That has certainly been true for me before.

But now, when people ask what I’m doing in Guatemala, I’m excited to tell them! Every. Time. I never bore of sharing the great work of Unlocking Silent Histories and my part in it, of telling people about the inspiring youth I work with, about the project’s theoretical background and practice methodologies, about the importance of the work we’re doing and the real impact I see it make. It’s work that I truly believe in, and that challenges and fulfills me and allows me to be creative and grow.

I just had such a conversation with the two men I sat between on a flight from New Orleans to Houston. And I realized that not only do I get excited in talking about my work with others, they’re always always interested in and excited about it too. Further proof to me how valuable this organization is, and how meaningful the work we’re doing. I’ve received such encouragement and enthusiasm from friends and strangers alike when they learn what it is I’m doing in Guatemala, and that is such a motivator for me.

So, I want to share with you all the opportunity to become a part of the Unlocking Silent Histories story, to further support indigenous youth in Guatemala through this work, and to learn more about what we’re working daily to accomplish. Today, we launched a fundraising campaign that includes a wonderfully informational video explaining this project – and I hope you’ll all check it out here!

Now, I’m sitting at the airport in Houston, awaiting my flight to Guatemala City. I’ve been here in the U.S. for almost a month now, visiting, attending to family matters, arranging some logistical things now that my time in Guatemala will be extended, and spending as much time with loved ones as possible – all of that will be for a separate post, so for now, suffice to say it has been an emotional and wonderful time.

But now, I’m anxious to return to my life and work in Guatemala. When I return, I’ll be moving out of my apartment in Santiago Atitlan, and living instead between two places – with a friend in the remote area of Tzununa, and another friend in the bustling main port town of Panajachel.

The students and leaders of Unlocking Silent Histories will be wrapping up the editing process on their first two films shot as production teams, and we’ll be preparing for screenings of these new documentary shorts in San Juan La Laguna and Antigua, Guatemala. I’ll be meeting with our Youth Leaders on Friday to get up to speed and plan out our next month together. And I’ll be working with our administrative team on strengthening our internal processes and building the future of our programs. I’m excited to begin!

I want to thank everyone who’s supported me in this transition process, in the discovery and continuance of this work. Thanks to you all for validating my decision, recognizing my happiness, and encouraging me in following my path.

Dream Job and Upcoming Life Changes (part 2)

So, I began my work with Unlocking Silent Histories in October, a whirlwind time for the organization and for me! My Dad had flown in from Texas to visit for 10 days at the same time that Donna, the organization’s founder and director (and my new boss, who I had yet to meet in person!) had flown in from Boston, and the first-year program participants were wrapping up their final films under direction of the youth leaders, and we had a screening planned for the end of the month!

My first initiation to the project and my role within it was to participate in a meeting with Donna (via Skype), Erin, and the four youth leaders – Carmen, Chema, Carlos, and Franklin. It was my first day meeting the leaders I would be working with, and I was nervous, and still not too sure what they thought of me that day, but everything went alright. I’ve gotten to know them, and they me, a whole lot better since then, but I think they were critical of me at first. One of these days, I’ll ask them about their first impressions of me, but for now I suppose I can say, at the very least, that I didn’t totally blow it because they still talk to me (and, as I’ve been visiting family in the U.S. for the past week, tell me they miss me when we Skype, so yea, they think I’m cool.)

Unexpectedly, I ended up staying the night in Panajachel (with my lovely Swedish friends!) so that I could meet Franklin and Carmen very early the next day to go into one of the communities and work. It was a great first experience. I met Franklin at the dock in Pana and we rode the camioneta together, sharing a cinnamon roll and talking about music, while lugging our production equipment around. Then we met Carmen at a bus stop and got into a colectivo van together, got off at a dusty downhill path and descended into the community of Chuacruz where I mostly observed and offered some technological support while Carmen and Franklin worked with three young girls – Mirna, Anna, and another Carmen – to complete their films.

The second day of “work” I remember as sort of a surreal blur. My dad was with me and we got a boat to the beautiful little village of San Juan, where I was going to meet Donna for the first time over lunch. Jim, a retired Hollywood film producer who lives in Guatemala and has been volunteering his time with the project, also joined us, and we enjoyed some delicious food and drink at San Juan’s lovely Wine and Cheese establishment. It was so refreshing to meet Donna and Jim, who were both so open and warm, easy to talk to and pleasant to be around. It didn’t feel like a first meeting – more like a gathering of like-minded friends.

From there, we went over to Carlos’ house. Three of our youth leaders – Carlos, Chema, and Franklin – are from San Juan. Carlos is the one who works in the community of San Juan, and leads his group of students out of his home. There, it was a flurry of activity. I had the opportunity to watch more of the students’ films, and Jim and I gave feedback, talking over strengths and weaknesses with Carlos, Chema and Franklin.

Soon after this, I felt more comfortable working with the project, after having gotten to know everyone a bit. We were still in screening preparation mode, and spent long hours at Jim’s house sub-titling, sound correcting, and exporting the students’ videos in preparation for the show. The night of the presentation at an Art Gallery in Panajachel was a great success – it was a wonderful way to recognize the students and their hard work! I interpreted the entire event, which was a healthy challenge, and the kids spoke beautifully about their processes in creating these works of art and cultural preservation. The turn-out was great, and Donna and I were bursting with pride.

After a couple of months working with USH, I remember having a conversation with my best friend Lauren in New York and telling her – for the first in my entire professional/working life, I feel fulfilled by the work I’m doing. Really truly fulfilled. And it’s still true. I’m excited at every opportunity I get to tell someone about my work with USH. I’m proud of this organization, its mission, philosophy, practices, partners. I’m proud of my role within it. But mostly I’m proud of these youth we work with, and feel privileged, truly honored, to have the opportunity to do this work with them. They have accepted me into their lives, welcomed me as a mentor and a friend, and I’m so, so grateful, and excited to be able to witness the amazing things they’re doing and will continue to do!

The last few months (my first few months with the organization) are probably best told through photos, but here’s a brief run-down of what the youth accomplished:

  • A screening of three of the youth leaders’ films in Santiago Atitlan, where the next chapter of the program will soon be formed
  • A two-day workshop with Adobe Youth Voices educator Javier Borrayo, focused on advanced story-telling and production skills they have the opportunity to use in a national and international film competition
  • Many days of continued production with youth participants
  • Leadership development, taking on new roles and responsibilities and preparing to teach new skills
  • A two-day Advanced Production workshop mostly led by our youth leaders, focused on strengthening interview techniques, learning new technologies, crafting narratives, and working in production teams

Now the students are in production in their teams and have just wrapped shooting two new films that will be screened in Antigua on March 15th! But more of that to come in Part 3…

Dream Job and Upcoming Life Changes (part 1)

I have so many words and smiles and radiant positive feelings just rushing to flow out of me that capturing all of it into one silly little blog post is a duanting task! So, this is the first installment of what will be a series of blog posts explaining my current work in Guatemala.

Back in September, I found that I had settled into my fellowship position with Natik and was looking for something more; after overcoming a relatively steep learning curve as Natik’s Guatemala Project Coordination fellow, I was feeling comfortable with my responsibilities, on top of my tasks and assignments, and perhaps ready for more of a challenge. Because the majority of my work centered on Natik’s fair trade artisan partner, Just Apparel, workflow was dependent on client demand and custom orders (since, after all, Just Apparel is a business), and I ended up having quite a bit of free time on my hands. It was quite wonderful having an ample amount of time to do what I please – I started running, went swimming most days, took up percussion again and singing, went out photographing, spent a lot of time with my crazy amazing group of international friends, traveled quite a bit to experience more of breath-taking Guatemala and some new places in Mexico. But, it wasn’t enough. I wanted more – more meaningful work.

I thought volunteering with another organization would be a great way to invest my time and energy, meet some new people, get connected with other causes and organizations – so I started browsing Idealist every now and again, beginning to familiarize myself with other Lago Atitlan organizations. And one night, while perusing through, I came across Unlocking Silent Histories. I immediately knew the search was over.

Those who know me generally know that I got into film/video production in high school and went to film school in Central Florida. I began working with social services and non-profits around that same time, and after completing undergrad studies, spent a few years working with at-risk youth in non-traditional educational settings, mostly. I eventually went back to school to complete a Master of Social Work, based on my interest in continuing to work in the non-profit sector, and a Master in Women’s Studies and Gender Studies, based on my love of academics, research and theoretical viewpoints on interlocking systems of oppression. In graduate school, I became particularly interested in international social work, indigenous populations, and immigration and migration – and chose to focus on those areas, specifically, later leading to a challenging and rewarding position with the Illinois Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights.

Those who know me best know that a) All these years, I have continued to harbor hopes/dreams of one day being a filmmaker b) I’ve struggled with ways to bridge my seemingly disparate academic/professional interests for years and c) I have a deep belief in the power of film/media as a tool for social justice and community change.

Enter Unlocking Silent Histories…an organization that could not be a more perfect fit for me. Here is a brief synopsis (that I helped to write!) about Unlocking Silent Histories’ work:

We strive to create learning experiences that:

  • Amplify the voices and identities of indigenous youth and their communities by supporting them to direct and produce their own documentaries.
  • Invite youth to explore personally meaningful curiosities and concerns in order to connect learning to their lives.
  • Value and encourage using their local languages and draw on local knowledge to tell their stories and learn with their peers.
  • Share films with peers within and across communities to deconstruct visual expression and its local and historical meaning.
  • Develop local youth leadership to ensure sustainability of the project(s)

Our work is motivated by the arguments that:

  • Historically, foreigners have created media representations of indigenous peoples to construct and perpetuate stereotypes about them and their lives.
  • Current educational practices are culturally distanced from indigenous cultures, inhibiting them from critically and creatively expressing themselves.
  • Languages are being lost at a rate of one language every two weeks, and this threat is acutely felt by indigenous peoples.
  • Indigenous youth have limited opportunities to engage in educational experiences that honor their cultural and linguistic heritage.

Ok, if you actually read all of that, then I can confidently say that you totally get my reasons for feeling that I just HAD to work with this organization. In some way. In any way. I was going to make it work.

Well, as it happens – they were looking for someone to offer some on-the-ground support, part-time. Maybe it was an impulse decision, or maybe it was a divine calling, I don’t know, but I applied that night! I even said in my application that no matter the outcome of the application for the position, I wanted to be involved with USH somehow. The very next day, I believe, the founder and director of USH, Donna DeGennaro, emailed me saying she’d like to set up an interview. It all happened so fast and I was so excited, and totally unprepared, but excited! We scheduled the interview, and I went into it with enthusiasm and a genuine desire to hear more about this organization and how I could be involved. The interview was fraught with excitement, I think from both ends, which made for a bit of chaos, but positive chaos. Donna spoke very passionately about the work they were doing, the youth participants and leaders in the program, the plans they had for the future. At the end of the interview, Donna asked me to contact the director of their partner organization, Erin, for a second interview before they made a decision.

Because I’m me, I started pondering how seriously and fully I could commit myself to this opportunity – I started worrying. I had some reservations, after speaking with Donna, about the amount of time and level of responsibility the position required. I was afraid I would do a disservice to my role with Natik and to USH by trying to balance both positions. Both required some level of flexibility in scheduling, and I wasn’t sure I could coordinate the two schedules successfully. I still wanted to be involved with USH, I just began to think that perhaps I could better serve the organization as a volunteer with a very limited time commitment.

I spoke to Erin a few days later and we had a great conversation. After my initial interview with Donna, I had a better idea of how the organization operated, and I had formulated some more informed questions for Erin, which she answered with poise. Erin has a very calming energy, and I felt comfortable expressing my concerns about the time limitations to her, which she understood and responded to sagely, offering some potential options for reducing time expectations.

But because I’m me, I still had reservations. I was truly torn. I knew I wanted to be involved with this organization, and the fact that they and I existed in the same place and time, that they were seeking a person such as me at that very point in time, aligned almost too perfectly. I wanted it so badly, but I wanted to really be able to dedicate myself to it in the ways it deserved. A part of me knew that once I began working with this organization, it would consume my whole life – it would be the ultimate culmination of my skills and experiences and interests, just the right balance of social work and creativity, media and social justice, indigenous rights and work with youth, international development and activism. And really, I was scared. I think I was so scared of finally getting what I’ve always wanted, of not deserving it, of not doing it well enough, of trying and failing.

And there was, of course, guilt. I had come to Guatemala as a fellow for Natik, and I had committed to working full-time with them for one year. My supervisor at Natik encouraged me to become involved with other activities and travel, but she might not have meant a part-time job. Beyond that, I didn’t want to slack in my responsibilities to Natik or compromise my ability to support their work as I came to Guatemala to do. I sent an email to Donna expressing some of my concerns, and she seemed quite confident we could work it out, but I wasn’t so sure.

In the midst of these thoughts, Donna and I had scheduled a follow-up conversation and due to poor internet and some scheduling mishaps, had to postpone a few times before finally connecting again. While the conversation went well, the scheduling difficulties fed into my fears about my ability to balance the two positions. Donna sent me an email the next day offering me the position and asking to schedule another call to work out details and logistics – it was exactly what I wanted, but now I was wrought with fear and guilt around accepting.

In the end, the guilt and the fear won out. I gathered my thoughts by typing them out before having the conversation with Donna, in which I had more or less decided to decline the offer. I still have that document where I collected my thoughts at the time, and the way I articulated the crux of my reasoning was this:

“I feel that the scheduling requirements of this particular position will be a great obstacle to my ability to do my best work in this role. I deeply believe in the work of the Unlocking Silent Histories project and would have very much liked to have accepted this opportunity to work with you, but with my ongoing responsibilities in my current role with Natik, I feel I’d be unable to commit myself to the position as fully as I would like. So, in order to avoid taking on too much and having all of my work suffer as a result, I will not be stepping into the position at this time.”

Well, I expressed this to Donna, and thank the universe, she wasn’t ready to take no for an answer. In fact, the impression I got in a firm, but inviting way, was that she was determined that I was going to accept this position. She was so accepting and flexible, willing to work out the logistics of the scheduling and re-work the roles and responsibilities of the position. This was unfamiliar territory for me, but I see now that it was a very clear sign that I had met someone who really saw and valued what I had to offer and wanted to work with me, specifically. I will always, ALWAYS, be grateful for that conversation with Donna, for her encouragement and gentle persuasion, for her ability to think on her feet, readily change and adapt, and most of all, for her belief in me.

After a long conversation addressing my concerns and questions, working together to find the right solutions to any potential problems, and discussing the realities of the role, I officially became the Unlocking Silent Histories: Maya Traditions Chapter Ambassador! The organization’s first employee!

Within weeks, I was working with some of the most inspiring, resilient, creative, and brilliant youth I’ve ever met.

Here’s a brief clip of them rehearsing a part they wrote for an upcoming fundraising video – makes me smile every time!

There’s so much more to tell! But I’ll save that for Part 2…

Rebecca’s Room

Farewells have always been difficult for me…it takes a few days for the absence to be felt, the presence to be missed. My inspirational, motivational, musical, laughter-filled, dear friend Rebecca has gone back to Sweden. Perhaps she’ll return to Guatemala in a few months, but perhaps not. I came across this photo today of her old bedroom in Panajachel. Empty. And the loss has set in, but mingles with the overwhelming gratitude of knowing her.

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